Well......emotional stuff first....then the fun stuff.

I knew that Walter coming....and the job....and living in Robins house so she can move in with the guy...was gonna be a mess....and end up with conflict on all fronts.....tyler and walter....robin and walter.....and predicted that walters stay in her house wouldnt last two months.....that the job wouldnt last four months.....

What happened is inside of two weeks he and Tyler were into it and Robin was living back at her house again....which surely gives conflict between her and the guy...snick snick.....and......this is the bad part.....Walter lost the job two weeks after getting it.  So he is in town with an apartment and no way to pay for it and no help to Rob or the kids.  I dunno what is gonna happen next. 

I still get no sense of Robin at all in my space.  I dont even know how to describe what I feel about her now.  When she comes to mind I put her out of my mind now.  I think of her and get angry.  I think of her and still want to punish the guy.  I think of her and still want her to start calling me again though.  I feel a connection with her...but it is more.....solid....in a way of existing and being real.....but it doesnt feel like love....and the depression and sadness has mostly lifted. 

For a while the read was that she isnt coming back.  Then it shifted again....she will come in about a year but by then I wont care.  A later read was that I am going to meet someone that I will help do something simle and we will be enamoured of each other and something about her will remind me of my Mom.  She is a widow for a few years, has grown kids and is in some kind of professional...banker maybe....doesnt have money but has income of her own.....reliable....and that she is centered and doesnt need anyone in her life and hasnt really dated....but that once we get started with each other we will fall hear over for each other....that when Robin comes back it will be like Robin who.  lol.   And there will be no anger toward her or the guy....it will all be neutral by then.  Finally. 

Not the ending I wanted for me and Robin.  Sort of thoujght I might get a lil busy with one or two and then Rob would come back and we would couple again.

I havent put a lot of attention on the recent reading.  Am tired of hearing about readings, putting stock in them....then.....waiting.....and waiting......

So.  Bitterness.  That is the word.  She comes to mind and.....bitterness.  She was kind of mean to me from the start.....lots of good stuff.....always tainted in some way or another.....mean.  So mean.

And her plan with walter failed utterly.....and her he is....unemployed.  tsk.  amazing.  and she is home with tyler again.....now n then....and the guy......still lives and breathes and is healthy and normal and humming along as though all is right in the world. 

dressing....the casino.  was wearing gal jeans or the booty shorts n denim and purse and new hair.  it has escalated.  added makeup....then one day....breasts....and finally.....dresses there twice.  and folks from here have seen me there.....so the cat is out of the bag for sure.  hope i dont come to regret it.

my read is that Robin will not be bothered by it once the mood to return comes to her.  but i havent talked any of it over with deb yet.  i dont talk to her much lately.  i have been mostly at the casino.  then went to the Saugatuck Michigan girls weekend then back to the casino.  Just got home late last night.  I realize that I must make a point of being specifically a guy around the lil town here. 

At the restaurant i go to here folks are warm though....the spirit is the same as being around girls....the mood is light and friendly and more open to me than before.  it is interesting.  There are going to be a couple halloween parties here soon.  I think Wade has paved the way for me.....encouraging me to dress for them.  I think folks are expecting it.  The waitresses were on me this eve in a good way to come to the party.....and I was asking about the ones at Mt. Gay and Tops...and the girls were like...do what we do....Mt Gay then tops after.  Almost an invite to go with them.....a near miss.  I think folks here are liking the girl thing i do.  THAT....is a great relief. 

Girls weekend at Saug was interesting.....spent some time with a dresser....Amy....but the big thing was a guy named Dan.....who wanted me as a girl.....and we danced....a LOT....me in my booty shorts and all...it was soooo fun....omg.   And he kissed me....nicely.  The best of all....was me on the stool and him standing next to me....his arm around me and my head nestled on his neck n shoulder.....I really felt fem.....and cared for.....and all those good warm open hearted things I havent felt in so long.  It was an amazing healing.  Truly.  Five or ten minutes.....but it was wonderful and is still with me.  He was supposed to call me the next day, the extra day I spent and take me to lunch.....but.....no Dan.  Sarah visited me....the girl that warmed to me the last time I was at Saug on the extra day.....she gave me some more cd's and I gaver her the bottle of aberlour 15 sherry cask scotch I brought for her.  Nice visit...but short....at a lil bistro that was doing live music that I fell into by accident.  This whole girl thing.....still.....things just fall into my lap.  It is amazing.  Sarah knew folks from there.  Kewl. 

So.....feeling bitter and aloof from hope on Robin....and.......one step away from out in the lil town here.....amazing.